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Second Thoughts on Fatherhood: What to Do When He’s Perturbed About Your Pregnancy

Detail Of Pregnant Woman Forming Heart Shape With Hands

Finding out you are pregnant might be great news for you, but this information is not always so well received by your partner, especially if it was unexpected and they are having second thoughts on fatherhood.

It might even call for a scenario where you need to carry out a paternity test. If you don’t share the same positive thoughts between you about the prospect of parenting, here are some of the things to do to address the situation.

A momentous shift in the relationship

Your role as the mother-to-be and as a woman is challenging enough in itself, as you contend with the prospect of raising a child and starting a family, so it can be stressful and emotionally draining when your partner doesn’t seem to share your same enthusiasm for the situation.

Becoming pregnant and preparing for motherhood can induce strong maternal feelings within you almost immediately.

It is actually a scientifically identified phenomenon where you may experience what is termed as maternal and fetal microchimerism, which is a physical process that sees the fetal cells pass into the maternal circulation system.

The result of this action is to create a discernible connection between mother and baby at a very early stage, explaining why you feel a genuine bonding and connection, even at such an early stage of your pregnancy.

This physical attachment creates an emotional bond, but how you cope and react to the news that you are pregnant is not necessarily the issue. Your partner will obviously not be experiencing these same emotional and physical signals, and they may be simply viewing the news of your pregnancy as a momentous shift in the relationship, and not one that every man copes with in the first instance.

Time to think

Some fathers-to-be will almost be literally shocked by the news of your pregnancy and might take a little while to digest the information and to come to terms with the consequences.

It is not unusual to witness an element of withdrawal from the relationship, while they take stock of the situation and think about what becoming a father is going to mean to them.

Some men might think that they are not ready for fatherhood just yet and the thought might even terrify them at first, but the majority who react badly or become withdrawn for a few weeks, often come around to the idea.

They might just have needed time to think and to get used to the idea, before coming back into the relationship and making plans for the future with you.

If you find that your partner withdraws upon the news of your pregnancy, it might just be a temporary issue and you can both look forward to this momentous event together.

Test of strength

It is probably fair to say that pregnancy is going to be a good test of the strength of your relationship.

If you have only been together for a few months, it doesn’t mean that your partner might not take well to the news, but you may not have created those strong emotional bonds by this point in the relationship, so it will definitely be a test.

If you were already having relationship difficulties before you discovered you were pregnant, it might feel like the worst time to have got pregnant. Some men might even feel like they are being trapped in a marriage or relationship as a result of the news of your pregnancy.

What you may have to gauge is whether any signs of withdrawal and becoming more distant with you, are purely down to the fact that they are trying to adjust to the news that you have give them, or whether the scenario has managed to escalate the relationship problems.

Timing can be significant

The timing of your pregnancy can have a significant bearing on the impact that it has on your relationship.

If the pregnancy was as a result of an attempt to save and repair your marriage, this will undoubtedly complicate matters. If it was an unplanned pregnancy, this means that you are both contending with an unexpected shock, which may well bring you back together.

The timing and circumstances of your pregnancy can certainly be an influential factor. What you have to try and do is to talk through the situation, address any concerns about starting a family, such as the financial burden this can bring, and try to get to the bottom of why he does not initially seem as pleased with the news as you.

If you can do that, you may well be able to find a way to banish any second thoughts he might be having about fatherhood.

Lily Morgan is a young woman who writes about real life. The difficult times many of us go through, trying to offer practical solutions and support in her articles.